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made it back to the promised land

It took many months of planning, and a very intense amount of unrelenting physical work through just about all of June, but as of approximately yesterday I've accomplished a major goal for 2016: moving back to California. I say approximately yesterday because the move in process has required a lot of work and there's always "1 more thing" we need to do, but most of it got all wrapped up yesterday. It was the day we shifted to working from dawn till dusk (actually 2am most days, not dusk) to just spending a couple hours each day running errands or setting up this or that.

What an accomplishment! It was not easy to get back here, for many reasons, but for years not living in California has been the #1 thing that I have felt has caused me the most significant amount of suffering and unhappiness... and moving back was the #1 thing I have dreamed about and fantasized about doing.

When I left in 2009, I thought it would be for about a year, maybe 2 at the most. Then 2 years turned into 3, then 4. The 5 year mark was when I hit rock bottom--I nearly died inside when I realized I was starting to give up hope of ever getting back... and starting to lose my connection with the West coast. I made every effort I could after that point to re-establish connections, even hosting my own wedding out there rather than near where we lived in New Jersey. My mood improved a lot as I regained hope of getting back. And it turned into excitement toward the end of 2015 as I started to make concrete plans for the move. Now, halfway through 2016, it's all done... no more New York, no more New Jersey, no more Pennsylvania. No more nights of shoveling snow, no more full weeks without seeing the sun or a blue sky, no more weeks of constant rain or snow. No more buying a new umbrella only to lose it the next week (I went through at least 15 umbrellas over the past few years! Cannot hold on to them for the life of me.) No more streets lined with American flags. No more rude assholes telling me I look like a musician (or Fabio--barf!) and constantly asking if I'm in a band. No more people telling me that long hair doesn't look good on men (I got that comment, and the musician comment, frequently in both New York and New Jersey, and while that's not the only reason I decided to cut my hair, the constant negative social pressure I got about it definitely factored in.) No more hideous colonial architecture... double barf.

I've lived in a lot of places, and California so far is the only one where I've truly felt at home. The biggest mistake of my life was leaving the first time. But we live and we learn. I've corrected it without too much psychological damage, and will never make that one again.

Looking forward to bright blue skies and shiny happy queer people! And a big fuck you to the East Coast, I am sooooo happy I no longer have to deal with all of your bullshit.

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